it hit me at the family round table this past weekend. the classic situation of family dynamics where elder parents were pissing their kids off with some of their behaviors without being called on it because "they were not going to change anyway".
this led into the classic cliche, some things are better left unsaid.
but are they?
the points illustrated in the conversation we spoke about, all revolved around closure for the kids, not the parents. it wasn't about trashing them or making them feel bad, or disrespecting their 'way' rather, articulating how some of the behaviors made the kids feel (more as an fyi). if we broke down the percentages, i would venture to guess more people would like to know how their behaviors are impacting others than less.
so many times, we venture through our lives, days and weeks unaware of the impact of our words and actions on others. naturally we can & will take it too far at times and become offensive or inappropriate to others. its at those times where its critical for someone to say something. intenralising information and remaining mute, only serves to increase our levels of frustration and although the m.o. doesn't need to be lashing back on the offensive, few arguements will come from articulating "hey, in thinking about what you said, it didn't make me feel very good and this is why".
no further explanation or continuation of the argument is necessary, people just need to know how their actions and inactions affected you. by articulating your feelings, you ensure that other's issues don't become your issues. its like handing it right back to them and again, it doesn't need to be malicious. if further grief ensues, simply state, "not looking to engage an argument, simply telling you how i felt, take it or leave it... but it's now not in my archive".
life is to short to harbor damaging, negative or corrosive goods - keep it light and keep them at arms length from your psyche.