Thursday, December 20, 2007

You Don't Get Defensive If You're Right.

This post today goes to all the teenagers out there who swear at their parents when they don't get their way...

It goes out to the girls who cut off contact from their families for trying to get them to dump their abusive boyfriends...

It goes out to the employees who make every excuse in the book for not doing their job...

It actually goes out to all of us at some point or another in our lives...

You don't get defensive when you're right. What this means is that when you know you're right, and other people fight your point of view, you will try every approach to get them to come around. You listen, try to understand their contentions, and then constructively educate them on how they may be missing the point.

When you're right - you know it, so it is just a matter of time, patience, and wrapping your delivery in such a way that other people see your valid points and come around.

When you're wrong - you fight tooth and nail because deep down you don't want to admit it. You take feedback emotionally, and you fight it defensively. You halt any and all progress by resorting to the spoiled kid throwing a temper tantrum in the toy store.

We all need to remember humilty and that we are not always right. Sometimes the right answers may be scary and require a lot of work. Sometimes we settle in a relationship and it is easier to fight your family and tell them they're wrong than it is to be alone.

But deep down we know that the person who shouts the loudest is NOT always right, and we know when WE are wrong. Fool everyone else, but you must sleep in that bed tonight beside the abusive boyfriend, or with your troubles still firmly in your mind.

Drop the excuses and justifications. Allow people who care about you to have their say. Don't halt all progress by throwing a temper tantrum. You are better than that. We all deserve to be happy, but in order to do this, we all have things that we can improve in ourselves that we may not like to hear at the time.

If you find yourself getting hot under the collar and acting rash and senseless, remember that you could be wrong, and someone else may have your best interest in mind.

Perhaps you should listen to them instead of pushing them away.

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