Wednesday, June 12, 2013

You can’t always get what you want.

The Rolling Stones coined the phrase. Catchy tune, in fact it’s a melody we often find ourselves reciting when we’ve denied someone something they wanted, been denied something we wanted... or we’re sorting through an 80’s playlist. Where we going with this? I see crazy parents. All over the schoolyard, sports pitches and out in public being well intentioned - but making a critical mistake.

Negotiating with their children.

Negotiating with children is a lose / lose proposition because children have no/little basis of reference or experience in understanding the ramifications of their actions. That’s our job; guide the present day behavior to set up future day successes.

for example:

  • eat this bag of sugar before you go to sleep – you’re not going to get to sleep. And that problem, will quickly become our problem.
  • provide options for johnny – watch tv or  go outside and exercise? Hmmm what's he going to choose? And that problem, will quickly become our problem.
The reality is that most short term gratification usually results in long term pain & suffering (for you) the parent 1st... And then the child 2nd.

    "ok – but I’m going to tell you one more time, ok – but I’m going to tell you one more time, ok – but I’m going to tell you one more time, ok – but I’m going to tell you one more time, ok – but I’m going to tell you one more time. Ah man.. Jenny’s so cute, and just SOOO strong minded.

    Ah... No, it's called boundary-less and here's what that’s going to look like at 16-26 & 36?

    At 16, Jenny’s going to be asking to do things that are sooo far from appropriate you’re going to wonder who’s daughter she really is. By that time (the time you start getting serious about trying to set boundaries), she’s going to have two words for you. This behavior - a result of your early behavior is called nightmare.

    At 26, Jenny’s going to be going to war with her coworkers, managers & employers on a regular basis. What do you mean no? Well, I don’t want to work here, or here... or here... He’s a jerk – they sucked.... and the list goes on and on and on.

    At 36 Jenny’s going to be depressed. Mainly because the world she thought catered to her every demand (the picture you inadvertently painted) doesn’t actually exist. Then she’s going to crawl back into your house & lives, order you to get her a bowl of her favorite ice cream and crawl in bed. Your bed.

    Setting boundaries is a CRITICAL role of a parent, manager coach, almost any role that requires leadership. Children for certain have an unconscious incompetence around new situations and it is our job to guide them through them with long term success as the final outcome. They must know that in reality. can't always get - what you want.


    No comments: